Jonathan "Jack" Idema

2 oz Jack Daniels
2 oz Tequila (well)

Dear Jonathan "Jack" Idema,

Today we learned that you died on Jan 21st somewhere in Mexico. Despite our strict guidelines not to issue drinks posthumously we decided to make an exception in your case.

You leave behind 9 wives and had a loyal dog named sarge who reportedly parachuted out of planes with you.

To some you were that guy who moved to Afghanistan to hunt down terrorists. A soldier of fortune who operated a prison out of his home in Kabul.

To others you were a con-man of who infected women with AIDS and tortured detainees in your charge.

After being realeased from prison in Afghanistan you eventually made it to Mexico. There under the pseudonym 'Black Jack' you hosted orgies and ran a charter boat while flying a pirate flag over your home.

What we can all agree upon is that you led a colorful life full of adventure and contraversy.

Gone Yes. Forgotten No,

~Rutherford

Mandatory Links
Jonathan Idema, Con Man and Afghan Bounty Hunter, Dies at 55
Jonathan Idema

The Francesco Shettino

3 oz Colt 45 Blueberry Pomegranate Blast
(Chilled and served in a spilled martini glass)

Dear Captain Francesco Shettino,

It seems that you're drink ran aground on our blog. Rather then clean up your mess and take responsibility for your actions you scampered off leaving Kim and I to scrub its decks. It's not the first time we've seen this behavior from you.

On Jan 13 on the waters off Giglio in Italy you recklessly meandered off course and ran your cruise ship aground. To make matters worse you allegedly abandoned your command and went aboard a lifeboat leaving your crew and passengers to fend for themselves.

In a world gone soft we can't say we're surprised but, are certainly disappointed in the way you conducted yourself.

The outrage survivors and family of the missing must feel is certainly justified.

While you didn't go down with your ship you'll most certainly go down with our blog.

A girly drink for a girly captain!

Ahoy,

~Rutherford


Mandatory Links
Costa Concordia: cruise ship captain 'was like a Ferrari driver'
Cruise ship threatens marine paradise
This Blonde Woman Was Allegedly Dining With Capt. Schettino Right Before The Ship Crashed

The Rupert Murdoch

1 x Censored Drink

Dear Rupert Murdoch,

Either this black out is due to our collective drunkeness or someone censored your drink!

We at the drinkonomist are torn between a censored web and a complete free for all. The last thing we want are unsavory actors in China and throughout the world reverse engineering our drink recipes and blog posts. We have the most to lose by these vermin stealing our corporate soul and proven strategy.

That said we're pretty savvy in the way we deal with pirates both on the internet and the high seas. Kim Sharestanni and I are carefully monitoring what these guys are drinking on Facebook, Twitter, and Other social media outlets under assumed names and aliases while logging their ip addresses.

Kinda like what you guy's at news corp were up to...In the event we find that someone has used our copywrighted blog posts, drinks, or other media we'll come down on them hard the 'old fashion way'*.

Since it looks like SOPA and PIPA aren't gonna see the light of day we media moguls need to stick together.

If you are violating our copywrights we'll violate yours. Let's beat them at their own game. Instruct others in your organization to do the same.

An eye for an eye. A movie for a movie. A blog post for a blog post. A picture for a picture. A drink for a drink.

Ahoy,

~Rutherford

*Pair of vice grips and a tire iron

Mandatory Links

The Story Behind Rupert Murdoch's Rants About Google and SOPA
Rupert Murdoch slams internet 'theft' as Wikipedia stages black out in piracy protest
Rupert Murdoch rant claims are untrue, says Gordon Brown
Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. to Unveil Settlements in Phone Hacking Cases Thursday (Report)
Rupert Murdoch Madness: Man Files Bizarre Lawsuit Over 'X-Files,' 'Donnie Darko'
Murdoch Wants To Buy Stake In Dodgers

The Ratings Agency Analyst

1 tsp instant coffee (Starbucks VIA or Something Similar)
1 oz Vodka
3 oz Rockstar Brand Coconut Water(Includes Caffeine, Taurine, Coconut Water, B Vitamins, and Milk Thistle)

Dear Ratings Agency Analyst,

Last Friday evening, Friday the 13th, the Friday before the Saturday where Tebow time ceased, before an extended holiday weekend, some genius within your ranks chose to announce your downgrade for the sovereign debt of 9 European nations we all knew were in trouble anyway.

Thanks for the transparency, though perhaps you should have done so months or years ago on a Monday. Why not march into a room full of middle aged men and announce that Santa Clause isn't real.

In any case, bad news on a friday makes for an even worse hangover on Saturday. That's why we introduced this coconut water cocktail with it's proven hangover fighting properties to our line of drinks this year. This will serve us well some hypothetical Saturday morning when we read Friday's paper on the john and learn that Miss Lohan was marched off to prison yet again.

As you may have learned, in addition to the European sovreigns, our blog was hit with a downgrade by a ratings agency with way too much time on it's hands. They reduced our drink bonds rating from AAA to C or 'junk' status while we were at the bar one friday evening six drinks deep.

Though we recognize our drinks could use some improvement we believe that the downgrade has no merit and that the analyst sent to assess our drink bonds was an embaressment to the drink ratings agency he represents. We'd recommend that he be re-assigned but, recognize that he's likely to jeopardize any more meaningful assignments given in the future. Perhaps he can be given a strictly clerical role where he can be carefully monitored for his shortcomings.

In fairness ratings agencies took a great deal of heat in the aftermath of the housing debacle. Some deserved. Some not so much. The point we'd like to stress is that we're 100% behind them going forward as they monitor what types of notes we issue to raise liquidity for this blog. Without them there would be no way to place valuation on bonds or drinks.

In the meantime if there is anything Kim or I can do to assist please email this web zone!

Stay AAA,

~Rutherford

Mandatory Links
9 European Countries Lose AAA Rating Status
S&P Cuts Rating on Europe's Bailout Fund
Europe is in a 'very grave' situation: ECB

The Dennis Rodman

2 x Cherry Flavored Vodka
2 x Pomagranite Juice

Dear Dennis Rodman,

You've climbed the mountain! From the mean streets of Trenton, New Jersey, you rose to dominate every field you competed in and did so by not selling out and remaining true to your inner freak.

You were the best rebounder to walk the earth, the best action star in Hollywood (Double Team Trailer), the best wrestler (besides the hulkster), and lastly commissioner of the Lingerie Football Association in 2005.

Then you fell off the face of the earth. We thought perhaps aliens abducted you or that you retired to some remote island with Carmen Electra and all the other now cougar aged women you dated back in the 90's.

Aside from the occassional Howard Stern interview, it was as if you never existed. Then suddenly like a bolt of lightning news came out over the blogasphere that you were planning to coach a topless women's basketball team for Headquarter's Gentlemen's Club in New York.

This was the best news we recieved since Kim Sharestanni* and I learned that Kim Jong Il went to the great military parade in the sky.

Kim Sharestanni says that topless women's basketball was the wave of the future.

I asked him why he thought so, he had this to say "You can teach men to dunk but, you can't teach them how to grow breasts.".

~Rutherford

Mandatory Links
Dennis Rodman starting a topless basketball team
Dennis Rodman Wikipedia
Double Team Trailer


*Kim Sharestanni is half North Korean and half Iranian. His mother and father met while skipping drills for one of many military parades held in honor of the late dicatotor. The two were caught and punished but, not before having time to conceive young Kim.

The Tim Tebow

Brandy Crowned With A Denver Broncos Flame

Dear Tim Tebow,

You're on fire and so is your drink. That one trick pony, Elway, along with the bandwagon of critics at times said that you were unfit for the top job. Don't listen to the naysayers!

These lemmings would have challenged Knute Rockne for employing the forward pass. Their football world view is muddled by dogma and clouded by conventional thought. These guys were the ones who scoffed at copernicus as well as the peers of the geologist that brought us continental drift.

Keep winning games and in time you'll be vindicated. Perhaps having a RB in the QB position will be convention some day.

We Believe,

~Rutherford

FLAMING DRINK WARNING: Flaming drinks on this site were created and drank by professionals. Never attempt to create and or drink one of our flaming drinks at home and never drink any flaming liquid while it's still on fire. Blow it out first.


Mandatory Links
Tim Tebow pulls off his weekly miracle
Texas Town Fights for Nativity, Tebow’s Faith Mocked as Perry Vows to End War Against Religion
Tim Tebo tatoo is price of fan's lost bet

The Jon Corzine

2 x Disaranno Liquer
1 x Crown Royal
Garnish with half eaten Reeses Cup

Corzine,

We've assembled a crack team of forensic accountants headed by myself and Kim Sharestanni* to help you crunch the numbers and speculate how much of the missing 1.2 Billion dollars in client loot could have been spent on booze and strippers prior to the implosion of MF Global.

Our preliminary findings are in and suggest that there was a spike in bar tabs and lap dances near the MF Global headquarters in the weeks prior to it going belly up.

At fifty dollars a pop, assuming all the money was spent on lap dances, dividing 1.2 Billion by fifty yields 24 million.

That's enough to service the entire population of Canada!

Dividing an inflation adjusted price of 5 dollars per drink from that figure we get 240 Million drinks. Assuming the missing dough was spent on booze this is more then sufficient to buy a round for every man and women over the age of 21 in the U.S.

Stay thirsty my friend,


~Rutherford

*Kim Sharestanni once dated a stripper who had a heart of gold.

Mandatory Drinks
Corzine 'stunned' that MF Global couldn't find missing funds
MF Global’s Corzine apologizes, says he doesn’t know where missing money is
Report: Bill Clinton Reaped Big Bucks from Corzine Firm Before Collapse
Corzine's Loss May Be Soros's Gain